Saturday, March 27, 2010

Wanting Too Much

Today I did a ton of exposures. I was away from my house pretty much all day, went out to lunch with someone who makes me extremely anxious, spent 2 hours cleaning up after a rummage sale- cleaning up dusty, in a few cases moldy, items that hundreds of people had touched in the last three days- and visited pretty much everyone in my family. I watched my dad clean up cat vomit with a pancake turner that apparently lives in their dish drainer (where other dishes sometimes go), and didn't run from the house screaming.

But when my mom noted that I wouldn't want a slice of her apple since she'd touched it, I felt bad about myself.

So in addition to working on exposures, I think I need to work on giving myself credit and not letting anyone else's opinion matter more than mine.


  1. I hid my OCD for 36 years. In order to keep it hidden for that long, I had to allow many people, even family and friends, to believe things about me that weren't true. Having them believe that I was arrogant, self-centered, and judgemental was extremely painful, but it beat telling them I was crazy. I understand how the opinions of others can be difficult to bear. In the end, you have to be satisfied with the progress you made and realize that other people have to understand and accept on their own in their own time. I will admit, though, that this whole therapy/recovery thing would easier if we could do those things for them.

  2. That is a whole lot of exposures! You are right, you get some credit. And maybe some slack next time. BTW, the cat V* cleaned up with pancake turner is gross. Just gross. Anyone would think that. Not an OCD thing, I think your parents must be on the other end of the continuum from OCD. Bleh.
    Adventures in Anxiety Land

  3. My parents are without a doubt on the "other end of the spectrum."

    And for the first 24 years of my life, I happily occupied that end of the spectrum with them. Brains are funny.

    In their defense, the pancake turner isn't used for pancakes or anything else (the cat is sick a lot), but still, it's also not segregated in the kitchen from much of anything. Shudder.

  4. Yeah for credit! It's really hard for me to give myself credit, but I'm more likely to do exposures if I credit myself rather than berate myself, so I try to keep it purely pragmatic--credit helps.