Friday, September 26, 2014

More Big Changes

I gave notice at work. Two weeks from today, I will be unemployed! I tried to leave last year, but for a number of reasons, decided the timing wasn't right. I switched to part time, and that was fantastic, but over the last few weeks, I've been dreading work. And even worse, dreading a bunch of upcoming projects. So, it was time. Now I feel like the next two weeks will never pass, but I always feel that way when looking forward to (or hoping to survive past) something in the future, so I know it'll be here soon enough.

I'm not quite sure what I'll do next. I have a bunch of volunteer plans, and I hope to take some classes. I have enough savings to take a significant chunk of time off, which I know is rare and I'm grateful for the flexibility.

One thing I will work on is my anxiety. I'm doing fine, but not as well as I want to. I'll certainly have the time now, so that's no excuse!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Traveling Anxiety Revisited

I decided to plan a trip. It's only been 7 months since my last one, which is nothing by my usual standards. It will be the first trip since I moved to the new apartment. Which apparently has ramped up my anxiety about it. The best thing about planning a trip as an exposure, is that you get to go do fun things! So it does at least balance off the anxiety a bit.

To continue on the theme of my last post, my new housing situation has really brought into clarity how little I do when I'm not working. It's especially noticeable when I compare myself to the busy busy busy culture all around me. I've actually found myself feeling a bit depressed about it. Luckily this is a problem with a fairly easy solution as well. It will require me to work on my social anxiety as well, but I can't really consider that a bad thing.

Hopefully all these exciting, new scary things will give some oomph to my blogging!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Where Has the Month Gone?

I say that at the end of every month, so I should really stop being surprised by now. I'm utterly amazed at how much free time I have these days. Freedom from house repairs and leaving behind a big garden really makes a difference. I've found some volunteer options in my new neighborhood that look promising, so I should fill some of the time up soon. Not that I'm bored, but I am feeling unproductive.

I also plan to up my exposures this fall. I'd hoped to host a Fourth of July party at the new place, but anxiety foiled that idea. Now it's Labor Day weekend, a perfect time for a BBQ. Nope. Work to do on that front!

The date went well, but confusion remains about whether it was actually a date. Hrrmmph.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I Made It

The house sale closed on Monday. It was not exactly a fun two weeks, but it was pretty okay, all things considered. A few weeks ago I stopped my medication, not by design, but because for some reason I forgot to take it. This time, my anxiety did not increase. I also think I'm getting better at using cognitive skills and exposure work, which certainly didn't hurt.

So now I have what I think is a date next week. I'm going hiking with a friend, but it doesn't strike me that we'd be going on a hike if it weren't a date. Anyway, I'd like it to be. This is a person who has noted that spending time with me is pleasantly low stress. Now, if we end up in a relationship, I know that I can't pretend to be mellow all the time, just to keep him happy. On the other hand, I'm happier when I'm mellow, too, so I want to really double down on practicing my OCD coping skills. We'll see what happens.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Can I Make It? I Think I Can, I Think I Can

If all goes well, my house will be sold in just over two weeks. Problem is, during those two weeks some MAJOR repairs are being done in the basement. The good news is that I don't have any choice but to "make it." And that two weeks realistically will fly on by. It's already been more than four since I finished prepping the house for sale.

The bad news is that it could be a fairly stressful two weeks. I feel like I'm actually doing a pretty good job of using healthy techniques for dealing with my anxiety. But it's still there.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Uncomfortable Sigh

A post over on Janet's great ocdtalk blog sent me scanning back through old blog posts. And (not for the first time), I'm reminded about how strong my OCD remains. All those years of dealing with exposures, and yet still spending most of my free time worrying about something.

I'm happy with the progress I've made, sort of, but in realistic terms, I'm still in about the same place I started. So many posts where I'd found the book that was going to change my life. Where I was absolutely determined to beat OCD once and for all. Wash, rinse, repeat (heck, I think I've even posted THAT before).

Monday, July 7, 2014

OCD Around Me

I've posted before about seeing someone out and about with clear OCD. I'm not quite sure why it fascinates me so much. Maybe it's because I go to great lengths to hide my OCD in public, so I think it's interesting when people don't. Are they making a statement, or simply unable to NOT do their compulsions (I think the latter today).

Today I was at the grocery store and not only was a woman in the produce section using a produce bag on her hands so as not to touch the cart handle, she was picking up each piece of produce with a bag, inside out, and them flipping it right-side out onto her selected produce. I guess her own hands were too dirty to touch the produce?

She was also shopping the minute the store opened. I was, too, but only because I was out running another errand and this was the best time to do it. I assume she was trying to minimize the number of people who touched her produce.

It looked so hard. And I can only assume she was kind of embarrassed to know that people probably look at her funny while she's doing this (maybe another reason for the time of day she was shopping).

It makes me grateful for the huge gains I've made on the contamination OCD front. Life is easier, and far less stressful when you can touch stuff!