Tuesday, November 10, 2009

If I Didn't Have OCD, I'd Be a Really Nice Person

I'm a pretty cranky/irritable person. I would estimate that 9 out of 10 times that irritability is caused by OCD-related anxiety.

Today my work sponsored a seasonal flu shot clinic. I was waiting in line, when a super big wig in my workplace got in line behind me. He clearly had a cold, and I didn't want him to touch me (or even breathe on me for that matter). Of course he was in a very very chatty mood. When I get anxious, I kind of shut down. I can't make small talk, I talk in practically a monotone, don't notice jokes people make, and have a tendency to be rude. It's not a good thing, especially when it's your boss.

Luckily, the boss-guy likes me, and he's a little oblivious, so he didn't seem to notice. I think a couple other people around us did, though, which is embarrassing. The oddest thing is that I'm not even all that afraid of getting a cold- it's like the reaction is just hardwired in at this point.

In better news, I took the bus today and did pretty well about not washing my hands during the day. I'm currently sitting out the urge to shower. The first hour I didn't think I was going to make it, but the anxiety has dropped a little now.

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