Saturday, August 29, 2009

Sitting With the Anxiety

While I've been doing well with exposure, I know part of the reason is that many of my exposures, while they're scary in theory, don't actually cause me much anxiety once I've done them. Like going to the pharmacy, or letting my towel touch the floor. And those that are truly anxiety producing, well I often seem to find some reason to put those off.

My therapist has been pointing out for this process to really work, I have to be willing to accept uncertainty, and to sit with anxiety.

Ooh, it's hard! While I probably should have visited my aunt this weekend, and didn't, I did see my mom, which I hadn't planned to do. Usually I take a shower before I see my family, so I don't "contaminate" them. Today I didn't. And after I saw her, I felt really uncomfortable for a couple of hours, feeling like I'd sent her back home with some germs that she would share with my aunt.

I still feel a little anxious (it's been about 4 hours now), but it's definitely going down.

So I guess I get to remember, if I'm not really scared, I'm not doing it right.

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