OCD Trading

On Saturday, my aunt was admitted to the hospital with fluid in her lungs. My sister and mother dealt with her appointment and hospital admission, since they knew I would not handle an emergency room well (although I did babysit my sister's kids).

But I still felt bad for not being able to be there for a family member. In these situations, I often find myself doing an "OCD Trade." When I don't do one exposure, I'll substitute another. In this case, it was an exposure at the grocery store that I'd been putting off for 3 weeks. It went well.

Similarly, on Monday I was feeling bad about possibly not working up the courage to visit my aunt today (which I ultimately did), and I walked down to the store and used an "unsafe" public restroom for the first time in about a month.

It's not the best system, but it is moving me in the right direction.

I've also made some solid hospital progress. I've visited my aunt three times this week. The first time, I walked there and took the bus home, to avoid contaminating my car. The second time, I took the car, but put a towel on the seat. The third time, I drove, didn't use the towel, and it was raining out! It's still scary, but there's definite improvement.