Ups and Downs

I'm really really excited about the success I've had this week. Today I went to the grocery store down the street just to use their bathroom. It's a very clean bathroom, but in five years, I've never been in it except to wash my hands, and then I always use a paper towel to open the door. Today I used the bathroom and afterward opened the door with my bare hand. Whew! A first step at least. My anxiety was about a 7 as I walked home, but by the time I got there, it had already dropped to about a 2.

But I also cancelled a movie date with my aunt. She's currently undergoing chemotherapy and last week had to reschedule her chemo because she got sick. I'm now terrified that I'll get her sick and she'll have to reschedule again and it will be ALL MY FAULT. I haven't been sick with a contagious illness since 2007 (I guess excessive handwashing will do that for you), but I'm still always convinced that I'll be sick tomorrow. Which of course means I'm contagious TODAY without realizing it.