Thursday, February 25, 2010

Lurching from Fear to Fear

It's no surprise to me when I have a day where it just feels like I'm going from scary thing to scary thing. I've possibly written about this before, but today was definitely one of those days. Now, the things are not usually objectively "scary," but that hardly matters, does it?

It started on the way to work with a walk by a woman who was flinging a huge bag into a dumpster. I imagined that my still wet hair was now contaminated by whatever dust may have come flying out of the dumpster, and thought, well, I'm pretty sure I'll be taking a shower tonight.

But by the end of the day, that fear was long gone. Partly because that's just what happens, and partly because new fears came along all day to replace that one. Just a few examples: the city accidentally turned off the water to my workplace today for about an hour. (Hello? How does that happen???) When the water was turned back on, I imagined that icky things might have been flushed through when water valves were reopened. Then a visit from a coworker with a nervous habit of fidgeting with everything on my desk. (Please! Touch all my stuff, why don't ya!) Then monthly birthday cake day with the server again touching every piece of cake with her unwashed hand. And on like that the day went.

Again, nothing major. But after every one I felt tense for about 30 minutes, or until the next thing came along. And a lot of my days go like that.

BUT, the good thing, is that these days, even if I'm anxious, I'm able to avoid crazy handwashing and showering- and of course I ate the cake. I even got the mail when I got home from work. Every day there's a point (or many points) where I wish I could be stronger, but I know I'm doing things I never would have even six months ago, so I'll keep on keeping on.

1 comment:

  1. Way to have your cake and eat it too. Now if only you could enjoy it, right? ;)