Friday, October 16, 2009


Today was supposed to be "the day." My about-to-be-married coworker's last day in the office before her wedding, the day I would miraculously be able to do all kinds of exposures without fear of getting sick. Hmm. Well. It was her last day in the office, and despite what I feared earlier in the week, it doesn't look like we'll be meeting up for lunch next week.

However, the wedding's not till next weekend, and several coworkers are going. So I'm still feeling freaked out about somehow getting her sick, by getting them sick, now apparently ruining her honeymoon rather than her wedding. Especially since I'm meeting up with my sister and her two grade school aged children this weekend. And everyone knows kids are nothing but germ factories. :) (My mom very helpfully told me about the three classmates of my niece who "had swine flu and have already returned to school.") When I write these fears down, it seems as far-fetched to me as it probably does to you, the path from here to there, but at least part of my brain appears to find it likely. My brain is very skilled at this.

Despite a pretty extreme level of anxiety, I did better on exposures this week than I expected. I went to the store three times, went to the library, didn't skip my therapy appointment. And went to work, of course.

I want to get back to a life I can enjoy, but even though my current situation pretty much sucks, getting where I want seems so scary, too. I guess I'm working on it, just much more s-l-o-w-l-y than I'd hoped.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, our brains are very skilled at hopping from one unrelated thought to the next!

    It's been a while since I've been here and I promise to stop by regularly to support you in your efforts!