Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Dating with OCD

I haven't had a boyfriend, or been on a date for that matter, since 2006! For part of 2006 and all of 2007, I was in school and working full time and decided that dating would be more than I wanted to handle. Then somehow 2008 passed, too. And now it's October 2009! I'm really shy, plus getting older, so dating opportunities just don't fall in my lap like they did when I was in my 20s. I decided to put up an online profile a few months ago.

My dating past is checkered. In my early dating life I didn't have OCD, and I've dated some guys for whom it wasn't a big deal. But my last couple of relationships ended because I was too stressed to handle it, or my stressing freaked the boyfriend out. Or a combination of both.

So I've been corresponding online with someone who seems great, and it's really time to meet. I know there's no harm in meeting for coffee. But I do wonder what I should be doing big picture. I know I'm never going to be OCD free. But I can't decide if I should wait until I'm coping with the world a little better to jump into the dating pool. I have some fear that if I jump in before that and it goes badly, it's going to take years to brave it again. Any thoughts?


  1. I think if you realize that OCD is going to be a permanent part of your life, then that's a great place to be starting from. Granted, you may find some success in treatment or coping with it that could make things significantly better. But there's also the chance that this will be the status quo for some time.
    With that in mind, I think you should go ahead and go for it, dating wise. If you continually wait for things to get better, you'll have waited and waited and waited, and you may not be better off for it.
    With that being said, I think it's definitely paramount to be completely honest and open with someone you could get serious with. Not that you should be flagrantly waving your OCD about on your first date, lol, but I think if someone is aware of your condition, and they can love you for it anyway, then you definitely have someone worth keeping. On the other hand, if you try to hide it, it will eventually lead to more stress, etc. And I know people who can deal with OCD are out there, because my hubby is one of those amazing people. So in short, or long..... go for it. But be realistic in your expectations. Be open, honest, and upfront. Be you. And if someone can't love you for who you are, OCD and all, then move on. Because even with your issues, you deserve someone who can love you despite the OCD. And if you don't look for that someone, you'll never know what you've missed out on.

  2. Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Shana.