Sunday, November 14, 2010

Deja Vu All Over Again

Recently on an OCD forum, someone wrote about trying to face a fear while worrying that the outcome of doing an exposure could be "the one big regret of his life." It was interesting timing, because this week I found a journal I kept after I was first diagnosed with OCD. It was from 1998. In it, I express over and over again my fear that I will spread some kind of germs that will ruin my (then) boyfriend's life and he'll hate me forever. Flash forward to today, that boyfriend is happily married with two beautiful kids and a good job. Guess I didn't ruin him after all.

What's really frustrating is that right now, in the present, I'm still doing the exact same thing. I have fears that my actions in going ahead with exposures will result in harm to my nieces or my boyfriend's niece, that'll it'll be "the one big regret of my life" and that I'll be shunned and my own life ruined, too.

Trying to take the lesson from 1998, but it's difficult!

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