Monday, May 17, 2010

Spoke Too Soon

I've been doing GREAT on contamination exposures, today especially. My OCD monster isn't pleased, and is lobbing grenades at me from the edges of my non-contamination fears.

We're having an audit at work. It would be a standard audit, but for some reason we haven't had this one in about 20 years. The vast majority of the information is all perfect. There are a few problems, though. One is my fault, one is my boss's, and a few are from years before either of us were even there. Nothing fraudulent, just errors.

But I've become convinced not just that I'll be fired, but that my boss will be, too, and she'll blame it all on me. She has cancer, so of course I'm catastrophizing that she won't find another job before her COBRA benefits expire, and she'll die, cursing me the whole way.

I have no choice but to sit with this anxiety. She has a day full of meetings tomorrow, so we may not even have the chance to go over any of the data. The other relevant coworker is on vacation for the next 4 weeks. Ugh.


  1. That sounds stressful! Sometimes it helps me to say "Yep, this bad thing could happen." It's like agreeing with someone who wants to pick a fight--it takes some of the steam out of them.

  2. Yes, that makes sense. I'm doing better today, trying to work through the implications. The biggest error turns out to be mine, which frankly I prefer.

    My boss is a problem solver and not prone to freaking out, so hopefully we'll slog our way through. We'll see.