The worst manifestation of my OCD is that I get really paranoid about people harming me. About once a week, I do something or have some encounter where I end up fearing that someone is going to track me down and do me harm, often including that someone will be so mad that they will kill me. So far, it hasn't happened. :) As always with OCD, once some time passes, I can look back and think, "that was ridiculous." But at the time, it feels real, and not just possible but likely.
This is one of the places that I really think medication could reset my brain.
I recently completed a phone survey for a service provider, one in which I was not anonymous. I was a little bit negative (although not a lot). As soon as I hung up the phone, I thought, oh no! he's going to lose his job, and then he will track me down and kill me. Even as I can see that it's silly, I'm also running everything I said over in my head and trying to decide how negative it was. As always, ugh.
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You are stronger than you think!
7 months ago
Hi Ann! I just stumbled across your blog and I realize that this post is over 2 years old, but I hope you see my comment anyway. I have never been diagnosed with ocd, but I have the classic symptoms of the obsession side. I also have GAD and have heard it's common for people with gad to also deal with ocd.
ReplyDeleteI've found that I have a thing about unattended bags in public. Yesterday, a man sat his bag down in a chair next to me in a cafe, and went outside to use his phone. To my sometimes irrational, worried mind, this meant he had a bomb in his bag and wanted to blow up the Starbucks. But then, a rational part of my mind tried to make itself heard by reminding me that this was not only highly improbable, but also completely insane.
In the end, I had an anxiety attack from over-analyzation of the situation, not to mention being worried about the fact that I was so paranoid. I immediately fled the coffee shop as soon as my panic started, and while I realize that this was a panic attack brought on by worry and fear, I couldn't help but feel worried for my sanity.
About an hour and a half of google searching later, I found your blog. And here was me thinking that completely sane people could never experience paranoia. Glad to hear that paranoia is also a symptom of ocd! And also very glad to have found your blog!
Amelia
Hi Amelia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Yes, I've heard from others with OCD that this type of fear is fairly common (paranoia about lots of different sorts of things). I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but you're certainly not alone in this!