Of Course It Went Just Fine, Plus a Bonus Exposure!

Lunch was fantastic. My friend is a great person, and we really have plenty to talk about. So as always, anticipatory anxiety was worse than the event.

And I even got a nice (and very successful) exposure thrown in. We went to lunch on Thursday. I don't work Wednesdays. My coworker works just over the cubicle wall from me. So when he arrived on Thursday, I heard, via his office-mates, that he'd called in sick the day before. Ack!

I was about to beg off, coming up with some (false) excuse about meetings/busy-ness/etc. But then I thought, nope, that's avoidance. If he's here at work, he's well enough that you can go to lunch.

And so I did! Once we were there, I wasn't nervous about him or his germs. Love it when that happens.

Working On Being More Sociable

I'm pretty sure I've written this year about how socially isolated I've become. I'm not quite sure how it happened.

I'm especially glad I didn't end up quitting my job this summer, because if I had, I'd probably only ever leave the house to go to the grocery store!

Tomorrow I've got an appointment to go to lunch with a coworker who coincidentally is a friend from high school, and for some reason I've got a lot of anxiety about it. I'm not even sure what the anxiety is about. He's super friendly, and I've known him since I was 11, so it's not like we won't have anything to talk about. I guess I'm just out of practice at doing much of anything outside my routines.

Usually the things I worry about like this turn out much better than anticipated. Here's hoping. I'm trying to start doing something sociable at least twice a month, so I'd better get started!

Fun With Thrift Store Lines

I dropped some stuff off at the thrift store today. I didn't really want to shop, which is always a sign that I should. Plus I need an alarm clock. Might as well get one for the $1.50 I ultimately paid today.

But oh, the check out lines! Today I had three options. Lane 1: woman buying $200 worth of stuff. Lane 2: Checker with hacking cough. Lane 3: Guy with a big sore on his forehead, telling the clerk, loudly, repeatedly, about how he lives under a bridge and everyone there (except presumably him) smokes "methamphetamine." Well, these are all great choices. Do I really need the clock? Well, yes I do.

I pick the lady with the full cart. But you know that didn't work, because the other lanes were now empty and she was nowhere near done. Okay, a cold sounds better than homeless meth guy, so I head for that one. Nope, now she's closed. So, the meth lane it is.

My goodness, with OCD, every day's such an adventure!

I'm really happy to have that alarm clock, though.

Another Week in the Books

I love my new schedule. Just love it. I've been resolving to really live my life to the fullest going forward. I'm not completely sure what that looks like, but I've got some thoughts, many of which involve travel to sunny winter locations. Which is sort of amazing when I consider my travel fears.

I've long thought that I would likely get cancer and not live to a ripe old age. I have no way to know how much of that is OCD and how much is based on having a really high rate of cancer in my family. At the very same time, I get fears about not saving enough money and living to be 100 and broke. Which would seem to indicate that it's all OCD, right?

Anyway, I'm currently in the middle of a health issue. A test result that needs follow up. I'm handling it about how "normal" people do, so that's probably the best that can be expected.

It's steeling my resolve to live my life the fullest though, so that's a plus.

OCD Awareness

It's OCD Awareness Week. I don't think I celebrated it, but I did have occasion to share a little about OCD with online friends.

Someone commented recently on a non-OCD forum that he hates it when people use the phrase "I'm so OCD" as they organize their desktop at work. Based on the conversation, I suspect someone in his life has OCD, but I didn't ask.

I did, however, tell him I agreed, and I noted that I have OCD and it's something that is hard every single day of my life. It led to a brief conversation among several people on the board.

This is the second time I've mentioned my OCD on that forum. I don't really know what people's reactions are, because I know they don't want to pry. But overall, I feel it's been positive.

I would like to comment on my OCD on my personal Facebook page. I would feel fine about 90% of my friends knowing; only a few do. However, in the last year, I've added several workmates to my friends list. I'm still uncomfortable about work people knowing, from an "unknown consequences" point of view.

Which is a shame, but it's just a fact.

Oh How I Love the Sunshine

As I've noted recently, it's been a tough summer and early fall for my depression and anxiety. But I was also re-reminded recently of what a huge impact the weather has on my mood. The last two weekends have been perfect fall weather: between 65 and 75 and sunny. I've gone for long long walks, done yardwork, even finally did a volunteer event yesterday. And was in such a good mood. Yesterday I told my sister that we have to retire to a sunny climate together. Not quite sure what we'll do with her husband. :)

The side effects of the medication kicked in this week, leaving me less resolved about my decision to keep on them. I think I should probably make an appointment to talk to a psychiatrist who can give me some (hopefully) clear advice about different options over the long term.

Medication Time Again

I decided to try medication again, after a really anxious summer, and a climb in depression last month. I'm apparently really susceptible to the placebo effect, and I usually notice a difference in my mood within days. This time was no exception, although this week I'm noticing that dropping back a bit. The good thing is that I'm experiencing fewer side effects than normal as well.

I think this time I'm prepared to stay on the meds for the long term, instead of using them for the short term impact. I'm really tired of feeling pretty mediocre most of the time.

How's everyone's fall going?