The Weekend

Pretty uneventful weekend, OCD-wise.

I went to a home repair class with some small exposures, and made myself buy some produce from the slightly funky farmer's market that has cropped up less than a block from my house.

I had a good experience on the social anxiety front. I've had as homework for weeks making small talk when I'm out in public, but I almost never do it.

At my home improvement class, I decided to try. The first person I chatted with clearly wasn't interested in any social interaction, and I felt a little silly, but I tried again during the break. I asked the woman sitting next to me a totally generic question about her experience working on her home. We had a really nice chat about a bathroom remodel she's planning. It was a great lesson in several ways. One, I hardly had to do anything to get a good conversation going. Two, the break was much more pleasant without my usual "trying to look busy while time s-l-o-w-l-y passes" approach. And three, this woman looked completely uninteresting to me until she started talking, and then she was really warm and friendly. It was a very "don't judge a book by its cover" conversation.

So that was good; I'll definitely be looking to do more of this, accepting that sometimes I'll say something dumb, and that's okay, too.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Scary Social Events Four, Five, and Six. Check, check, and check! Including breakfast with a friend I haven't seen in more than 5 years. It was fun.

Also agreed to restart as facilitator for a currently defunct book club. So that will provide even more opportunities.

Goals for the week: More of the same, but beefed up, mostly. For instance, I've been getting the mail everyday, but I still often wash my hands after I open it, so that's not really a great accomplishment. So, this week, get the mail, bring it in, continue about my evening.

Same with going to the grocery store.

This will be a big step, for sure.

Second Scary Social Event!

Today I went to an organic gardening group I joined last year. It was nice, and I'm glad I went. I even ate a cookie despite feeling like my hands were "dirty." As always, I'll do a lot for sugar.

For good or bad, the meeting was held very close to where my sister's new house is going up. I've been avoiding the site, since the whole process sends me into OCD fits. But today I drove by. It looks lovely, and only scared me a small, well, medium, amount.

I'm thrilled with my "scary social event" progress, though. After months with zero or maybe one event, I've got six scheduled for February already, and it would have been more had my knitting class not been canceled at the last minute.

At six to ten a month, I'll be at 52 in no time!

New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year!

I was going to do a "wrap up the year" post last night, but then I forgot. Plus, the year was mostly, OCD, people around me got cancer and OCD got worse, and then it got a little bit better. So there you have it.

I've already mentioned my New Year's resolution, but I will make it official here. I resolve to do one "scary social thing" each week of this year. Scary pretty much means any non-work non-family outing or event. I've always been somewhat socially anxious, but being afraid of getting a cold really ups the fear ante around other people. So in most cases, social events will help with both my social anxiety and my OCD.

Chances are I'll miss some weeks, so I mostly want to get to 52 scary social events during the year. I practiced last week, and that meeting went well, so I feel vaguely optimistic. I have all kinds of ideas: people I reconnected with at last summer's high school reunion, a knitting group at work, community education classes, more people from the online group I participate in, a book group I was in for a while. Time will tell.

When I try to imagine what a "good" life looks like, being a good friend plays a really important role. I haven't been a very good friend in recent years, due to my anxiety, so this is my big move in that direction.

Hope your own resolutions get off to a good start.

Well...

I met up with the online group. The meeting was actually really fun, and much less awkward than I'd imagined. But the rest of the evening (the event at which we met up) didn't turn out so well, so the whole thing left me feeling a little cranky. I had a lot of OCD fears about this evening; there was hugging! But it was okay. I'm hoping, and assuming, that as I socialize more, I'll get more comfortable, and you have to start somewhere.