Uncle!

If I needed any more proof that I can't control it: the party on Saturday was to celebrate the end of my aunt's chemo. I was very happy for her, of course, but I also felt a sense of relief for myself, that I didn't need to worry as much as I had been about getting sick and in turn making her sick. So, Monday morning staff meeting at work, a coworker confides that she's just been diagnosed with breast cancer and will start her treatment this week. I'm not enough of a clod to care more about the effect on me than the effect on her. But. I guess it's about time to realize that all I can do is live my life, it's just too much to try to protect everyone around me, because I'll never succeed. Here's hoping for positive outcomes for them both.

I'm Not Responsible

Like most people with OCD, I have an extremely heightened sense of responsibility. I worry that other people will be sad or disappointed, or I worry that they'll be harmed by something I perceive to be my fault. It could be as simple as inviting someone out to a movie. What if they have an accident on the way? They wouldn't have been there if I hadn't invited them. This has been complicated by having an aunt undergoing chemotherapy, as she actually is more susceptible to illness.

Twice recently, in situations when I would normally spend a lot of time ruminating about leading someone into harm's way, I've been able to take and actually believe a more rational view: my friends and (most of) my family are adults, and they can make their own decisions, and are responsible for their own actions. It's quite liberating, saves a lot of time, and I hope I can do more of it.