Obsessed, Episode 2

I liked episode 2 much better than last week's, probably because I found Chad much more relatable than the people from last week. I know that OCD comes in lots and lots of flavors, but it seems like Obsessed often features people with symptoms that butt up against other mental disorders. It's probably not unusual in the real world, but it muddies the treatment. Just my opinion, of course.

Anyway, Chad's OCD was pretty straightforward: he felt he had to do rituals of various kinds to keep bad things from happening. I have always felt that no one with OCD was unique. No matter how weird your fear, someone else among the millions is going to have it, too. HOWEVER, Chad had an extreme fear of El Caminos. It is possible that he is actually unique here! By the end of the episode, he drove an El Camino over to his "contaminated" brother's house. Awesome!

I loved how supportive Chad's family was. They clearly didn't "get" his OCD at all, but they still loved him and were kind to him and so happy to see his progress.

Nicole, who was afraid that harm would come to her daughter if she let her out of her sight, also made good progress, although hers felt a little more tenuous.

This week I was only able to catch about half of The OCD Project, as the video on vh1.com is messed up. It's great to see Arine continue to make so much progress. I hope I can see next week's, which apparently does a brief followup with everyone.

Kristen Has a Blog

Kristen from the OCD Project has a blog (see link that will get you there in the comments). I just tore through the whole thing. It's very interesting, and has me thinking about the the show. She said several times in "bonus" clips on the vh1 website that she was concerned about what would happen when she was on her own again, and also that she didn't feel like the short time frame allowed her to repeat the exposures often enough to truly habituate to the fear. Since then, I've been noticing that they don't do very many exposures more than once. And in my experience, in most cases, repetition is key. That seems like a flaw in having the exposures go only over 3 weeks.

In the end, Kristen ended up attending an additional inpatient treatment program, for a longer period of time, where she could repeat exposures.

OCD treatment is complicated. I continue to be a little amazed that I'm making just as much progress without a therapist as I did with one. For me, it's been all about really wanting it. I've long known what I needed to do, but only now am I feeling the motivation to do it.

I'm writing at 4 am, brain is a little mushy, will check back tomorrow to see if any of this makes any sense.

Obsessed, Season 2

Season two of A&E's Obsessed debuted on Monday. I watched yesterday and didn't find it compelling. It's definitely due to the comparison to The OCD Project, but I'm not certain quite what the difference is. Part of the problem is the 2 people, 1 hour format. You don't get much a feel for the people and their personalities at all, which is part of the draw of The OCD Project. I really care about what happens to those people.

But it's more than that. Something is different in the way they present the exposures, so that despite the person claiming to be anxious, you can't really tell. So perhaps despite the claim that The OCD Project features exposures that are way over the top, maybe that's how you can really tell how scary it is.

Another problem was that the woman (whose name I can't remember), had OCD that seemed to be an eating disorder. She took a very OCD-type approach, but at heart, she ate very little and exercised too much in order to keep her weight down. I couldn't relate the way I can to most people with OCD, and I found it odd that they never once uttered the word eating disorder.

Graham had contamination OCD, and I found him more interesting, but I wish we'd seen more or him. I liked the exposure in the water, as they spent enough time that we got to see it unfold.

Despite my gripes, the "follow up screens" indicated that both had made really good progress, so that's great news.

Thanks, TV Writers

Lately I've been plowing my way through DVDs of past seasons of the show Criminal Minds. For those who don't know, Criminal Minds is primarily about an FBI team that profiles and catches serial killers. It's completely unrealistic (the profilers are also the interrogators and investigators- at least they don't also do the lab work!- and they nearly always swoop in at the last second to save the latest victim), but okay, it's a TV show. I also realize that being a serial killer requires that something in your brain is not quite right. Even so, I'm annoyed. There have been several shows where our killer has OCD. I could almost even deal with that. Out of 100 episodes about people who kill, why couldn't a few have OCD? Well, in a group of people known for their sense of responsibility, serial killer doesn't seem too likely. Plus, they actually had a character say about our OCD killer, "OMG, he totally can't stop himself," as though his OCD compulsion was killing. No, actually his OCD compulsion seemed to be cutting the crusts off his sandwich just so.

Anyway, I'm sure this isn't really worth being annoyed over. It's a guilty pleasure show full of holes, this is just another one.

The OCD Project, Episode 4

I didn't like this episode quite as much as the others, but mostly because of the production, or maybe I should say editing. They spent what felt like half the time showing them doing their toilet/food exposures. While those were perfectly fine exposures (if probably more extreme than they needed to be), they sure didn't need to be so prevalent. Did we even see Cody do anything this episode? (Edited to note that this week's episode on vh1.com wasn't complete, so I guess I missed a few people). Despite the fact that I have contamination OCD, I'll be disappointed if they give all their attention to that type of OCD at the expense of the others. The preview from next week looks more focused on the people with the fears of death and harm. I'd be much happier in a haunted house than a dumpster, that's for sure.

A couple of striking moments from this week: when Arine's mom is eating that toilet water scone and says to Arine, "I would do anything to help you," I was so moved. When Kristen's in the men's bathroom later and she says, "I'm not doing ANYTHING in this bathroom," that so would have been me! And I really really hope that Kristen has a breakthrough before the end of this show. While I understand where in her head those weird tantrums/sobbing fits are coming from, I really do, I'm also embarrassed for her. Think of going back to your life knowing that everyone you know has seen you do that! Now, if at the end of the day, I'd overcome my OCD, it'd totally be worth it. But if not, not so much. Please have gotten better, Kristen!

Last week I discovered that Dr. Tolin's got a weekly blog on vh1.com. He answers a lot of questions. In the blog written for episode 3, he clearly addresses the issue of learning to live with uncertainty. He also brought it up briefly during the show this week. I was glad to see that. He obviously knows his stuff, but it's hard to get everything into 42 minutes a week.

The OCD Project, Episode 3

This week, they started in on some big exposures. The ones I paid most attention to were those of Arine and Kristen, who both have contamination OCD like me. They were not to wash their hands (or even touch water) for three days. So that would be hard enough, but then, they went to spend some time with homeless people in Los Angeles, including shaking their hands.

Scariest of all, however, was Arine's assignment to stick her finger in the slimy water running down the filthy gutter nearby. Then she ran her hands over her clothes and hair and face. Hoo-boy, I'm not sure I would have done it! One thing I noticed, and perhaps only a person with OCD would, is that she had a bandage on her finger. For someone with an HIV fear like Arine to do that with a cut on her finger was astounding. I was impressed.

Kristen struggled a lot more. While outside of OCD, I don't think I'd have much in common with Kristen, our reaction to OCD-type things strikes me as quite similar. When she did her "worst case scenario" last week, it didn't involve dying from contamination, it involved living a crappy pointless life due to OCD. And yet she still struggles so hard to do these exposures. I'm certain I would be reacting the same as she is if I were on the show. She wants to do it, but it seems SO HARD!

Each week I like this show even more. Hope it stays as good. And as usual, my exposures all seem just a little easier after watching theirs.

The OCD Project, Episode 2

Week 2, the show continues to be interesting. The part that resonated the most for me was Dr. Tolin talking about why they need to give up ALL their compulsions: if they don't, if their feared outcome doesn't happen, they'll attribute that to their remaining compulsions, and maintain the fear. That is SO true for me. For months, I've been stopping some but not all of my handwashing. Nothing terrible has happened. Rather than concluding that handwashing isn't protecting me and isn't needed, I've decided that the limited handwashing I'm still doing is the most critical kind, and I need to keep doing it. That's not what I want. Sigh. Point taken, Dr. Tolin.

The one thing I didn't like about this episode is that the therapists seem to be telling the participants that what they fear will "never happen," rather than working with them to accept that sometimes feared outcomes DO happen, but that we have to learn to live with the uncertainty and do those exposures anyway. Maybe that's still to come.

The OCD Project

So, there's ANOTHER tv show about OCD. It's The OCD Project, on VH1, but also available for viewing (in the US at least) at vh1.com

Six people with a range of OCD "types" live in a house together for (I think) 3 weeks- Real World OCD!- and undergo intensive exposure therapy. I'm optimistic if a little skeptical. The therapist who they work with is David Tolin. He's well qualified, but he's also been on TV a lot lately, including being one of the therapists on A&E's Hoarders. Could have completely noble intentions, could like being on TV. Could be both.

The TV approach to OCD seems to rely on the extreme end of exposures. In the previews, the therapist is seen licking the bottom of a colleague's shoe, and there's the obligatory let's all climb in the dumpster scene, too. I'm uncertain whether it's because ultimately it's the best way to get results fast, or if it's because it attracts incredulous people to the TV.

Either way, I'll be watching. The previews also show the woman with contamination OCD letting her housemates put their hands on her face. I cried just watching it.

Doing Okay

Still hanging in there. I'm definitely motivated by the concept of a relaxed me, somewhere out there in the future. I can actually imagine it, even if I'm not close to living it yet. Going to a basketball game tonight. All those people.

In other news, I've been watching my way through Monk on DVD. Just started Season 7. I really enjoy the show, but I'm not so fond of the representation of his OCD. The character of the therapist has always been so central to this show, but the treatment he receives has no known effect on OCD. Over and over again they show him talking about his childhood. Ugh.

Not to mention that his OCD seems pretty random, and more phobia filled than OCD-like, except his dislike of being touched.

Anyway, I know that if his OCD went away, much of the premise of the show would be gone. And all I have to do is watch a CSI episode to know that TV is not based in reality.