I think I'm making more mistakes at work. I'm currently doing two people's worth of work, plus I'm already mentally checked out to some extent (with plans to leave in about 6 months). I'm still mostly doing a great job, but this week I made another high profile mistake. I told my boss immediately, and he was totally unfazed.
But the person whose budget it was was fazed (is that a word?) And unfortunately every time I make a mistake, her budget seems to be involved. I'm pretty sure it happens because I'm terrified of her, and I don't ask questions that I'd ask of anyone else. As always, it will take about a month to figure out if this turns into a "thing" or passes harmlessly. I am not good at waiting it out!
I feel mostly great about my decision to leave my job. But then I wonder if it's letting OCD win? I feel fairly comfortable saying that my personality is not suited for the stress of this type of job. But I don't know. Maybe staying is an exposure that I should do?
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You are stronger than you think!
7 months ago
I'm finding that there are things I will stay and fight for, and then there are other things that I just don't think are worth it. And I think that's ok. I don't believe it means I gave in. I just think it means I made a conscious decision. I did volunteer work at a governmental organization and there were MAJOR, and I do mean MAJOR, penalties for violating confidentiality. Not that I would ever purposely violate someone's privacy, but I worried constantly that I accidentally violated the policy and I just couldn't take the stress anymore. Now, I'm actually working harder and volunteering a lot more at my church, but it suits me so much better and I'm not in complete misery anymore. Of course, I've also completed my treatment and I'm on medication now, but in either case, I don't think I would have felt as tortured at my new position. Anyway, don't know if this helps at all! Good luck with your decision. Trust yourself. You sure seem like you make good decisions.
ReplyDeleteYour post has me thinking. I understand the concern that OCD might be making you want to leave your job. But if you can say that your personality is not suited for the stress of the job, then that seems like a valid reason to me. I don't know if I'd ever consider doing an exposure such as staying in a job I didn't like/feel comfortable with. That seems like punishment!
ReplyDeleteI've stuck with a job I liked despite OCD, so that was an exposure, but it was a job I liked, and I didn't want OCD to take it away from me. I did not stick in food service, though. OCD got me there pretty thoroughly, and I still don't want to go back. But I didn't like it well enough for it to be worth fighting for me. If it became the only job in the world I could get then I'd have to try again, but for now, I'll avoid it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think stress is a fair issue for evaluating things. Stress can make our OCD issues (and other issues) worse.
Also, a plan to leave in 6 months doesn't count as running away to me. :) Running away giving in to fear seems like it would happen faster, whereas planning to leave in 6 months is a thought out decision.
I'm sorry about the trouble your having. I've been afraid to ask people questions, too, and really afraid of people's responses when I tell them things.