Friday, May 15, 2015

But, It COULD Happen!

It's not an innovative idea to consider the idea that the anxiety in OCD is all about uncertainty. OCD is known as the doubting disease for a reason. BUT, even so, I've still been amazed just how often I've done a compulsion based on my brain convincing me that some very obscure fear just.might.come.true.

"But it could happen," my brain tells me, and then it would be ALL YOUR FAULT. I should note that my brain tries to tell me this even when the feared event would in fact not be my fault at all. For instance, the other day, a coworker of mine used the rarely used back door to our office. I reminded myself when he did that to check that the door was relocked, since he didn't lock it when he left. Sure enough, he came back about 15 minutes later and relocked the door. And yet, later in the evening, I remembered that I didn't check the door upon leaving for the day. And then I worried that if it had been left open, it would be my fault if someone came in and stole something.

I'd even convinced myself to drive by and check. Because, IT COULD HAPPEN. But I am not going to. I've given in to my OCD so very much. I've lost out on years due to my inability to push back against OCD. Not today, OCD, not today.


  1. This inspires me. Thank you!

  2. The idea that it could happen, and it WOULD BE ALL MY FAULT was a key way my OCD can have so much power over me. Good for you for pushing back ~