Thursday, January 1, 2015

Here's to a New Year!

Happy New Year. After noting that I hoped to blog more regularly, it's probably not shocking that I didn't. But here we are, New Year's Day, and while I haven't been posting a lot, I have been thinking about my OCD quite a lot.

To me, I think the clearest guide to how to react to my anxiety is to move toward what I want. While my life is really all about me pretty much all the time, I still make decisions that take me away from what I want almost every single day.

What I want: to work (very) part time, to volunteer each week, to pursue a relationship, to organize events for a groups of friends here in town, to not avoid people for fear of getting sick. Which of these have I done since leaving my job three months ago? Not one (although I have applied for two part time jobs).

I also think in another year-ish, I'd like to try a different apartment, and I can already work up anxiety over that.

If you were to ask me if OCD is currently limiting my life, my first reaction would be "no." But that's only because I spend most of my time reading and walking and watching movies. By myself. I enjoy these things, but they're not goals, they're not things that motivate me to get out of the bed in the morning.

So that's my goal for the new year: to get better and better at making the choice that moves me toward what I want. It's not new or innovative, but having a lot of free time has made me realize that 40 years of retirement will be a slog at my current pace, rather than a joy.


  1. Your post really resonates with me today. I always think that my OCD isn't really limiting my life that much, but it's because of the same reasons you state. I like to read and watch movies, and I tend to be very introverted. I could easily stay in my house all day just hanging out with my daughter, only going out to get groceries or run errands or get her to school. I am devising a plan for myself in 2015 that helps motivate me towards improving my health in all areas! I hope that you are able to meet your goal for the new year!!!

  2. HAPPY NEW YEAR! All the best with your OCD in 2015!