Tonight I find myself ruminating. It's not an OCD issue, I don't think, but the "going over it all in my head" feels the same, and it doesn't feel healthy or productive. To make a long story medium-sized:
Yesterday at work I was included in a meeting. During this meeting, a powerful person was rude to a coworker. It wasn't over the top, but it was mean spirited and my coworker felt blindsided. I will say that in a different workplace, this behavior may not have been that unusual. My workplace is very very PC, however, and any level of "belittling" is pretty unacceptable (and it should be, I think, I just suspect it's sometimes the norm). At the same time, I believe powerful person has a history of this type of behavior with little consequence, due to her position in our organization.
In any case, next thing I know, my boss and I are meeting with the head of our organization, who is not pleased with powerful person's treatment of staff. And the next thing I know again, powerful person is stopping by my desk to apologize. It was an excruciatingly awkward moment. In any other situation, I would have brushed it off with something like "don't worry about it, but thanks." But I knew this was a big deal to the big boss, so I felt I should simply thank her for the apology. But that left very little to say. Yuck. I think it was made worse by the fact that she hadn't said anything much to me that required an apology. I barely spoke during the initial meeting, and was barely spoken to.
So I find myself stewing on it, wishing somehow it had gone differently (ha, really I wish I just hadn't been invited to the meeting). And of course, apology or no, I can't help but think that powerful person is probably just mad at me. That doesn't feel comfortable either.
On the plus side, I assume my need to run it through my mind will blow over, just like it does in OCD, so I just need to wait it out. I think I'll watch a movie while I do.
My favorite person
2 days ago