Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Ruminating Up a Storm

Tonight I find myself ruminating. It's not an OCD issue, I don't think, but the "going over it all in my head" feels the same, and it doesn't feel healthy or productive. To make a long story medium-sized:

Yesterday at work I was included in a meeting. During this meeting, a powerful person was rude to a coworker. It wasn't over the top, but it was mean spirited and my coworker felt blindsided. I will say that in a different workplace, this behavior may not have been that unusual. My workplace is very very PC, however, and any level of "belittling" is pretty unacceptable (and it should be, I think, I just suspect it's sometimes the norm). At the same time, I believe powerful person has a history of this type of behavior with little consequence, due to her position in our organization.

In any case, next thing I know, my boss and I are meeting with the head of our organization, who is not pleased with powerful person's treatment of staff. And the next thing I know again, powerful person is stopping by my desk to apologize. It was an excruciatingly awkward moment. In any other situation, I would have brushed it off with something like "don't worry about it, but thanks." But I knew this was a big deal to the big boss, so I felt I should simply thank her for the apology. But that left very little to say. Yuck. I think it was made worse by the fact that she hadn't said anything much to me that required an apology. I barely spoke during the initial meeting, and was barely spoken to.

So I find myself stewing on it, wishing somehow it had gone differently (ha, really I wish I just hadn't been invited to the meeting). And of course, apology or no, I can't help but think that powerful person is probably just mad at me. That doesn't feel comfortable either.

On the plus side, I assume my need to run it through my mind will blow over, just like it does in OCD, so I just need to wait it out. I think I'll watch a movie while I do.


  1. It may be a bit of OCD mixed in with the ruminating about the work situation. I do that a lot--play over situations (usually work related) and think about what I wished I'd said or done and imagine people reacting differently than they did. I hope it blows over soon!

  2. Oh, it's true - waiting it out works a lot for me. It's weird, the anxiety just sort of disappears.

    It is really awkward to just accept someone's apology. Normally, I'm like you - I would say something like, "Oh, don't even worry about it. blah, blah, blah." There have been a few times though where I just couldn't say that because I knew this person did need to be held accountable for what they did wrong, so I did like you did and I just said, "Thank you for the apology." Yep, totally awkward. Made even worse by the fact that someone else afterwards scolded me for not saying, "Oh, don't worry about it - no big deal." They thought I was being mean by not just brushing the apology aside! So that really made me feel crummy. However, I still think I did the right (but painful) thing. You did what you thought was right too. What else can you do?

  3. I'd probably react the same way you did, and I don't have OCD. I hope it "blows over" soon :)

  4. I do that and I have OCD! (Pure O) I will do as Tina said above and think I should have said this, or that or the other, And I will wonder... Are they mad at me? Should I appologize? Even though I did nothing wrong! And I wait till I see them again to judge their current reaction to me, etc.... I do this OFTEN, even at home, drives my husband up a wall! Drives me up a wall but I guess I have learned to live with it. It is just "me". Anywho...

  5. Me too! Had it my whole life and it's ruined a lot of days, and even relationships. Have tried meds, exercise, diet changes, meditation. Very little works. It's just me and sometimes it helps just to know it's a weird brain kink and not reality.