This week two of my coworkers have really bad colds. My fear of getting colds is all out of proportion to the threat. I have no fear of the illness itself. It's that there's always someone in my life who I fear would suffer more serious consequences of having a cold. While there's the tiniest grain of truth to these fears, the fact is I can't avoid all contact with the human race because of it.
I also find that while in theory it's reasonable to avoid people who actually have colds, it's a slippery slope, that leads to me avoiding all people, because you never know who may have a cold (case in point, I guess, is that one of the coworkers actually felt this cold coming on for about 5 days, and I had no idea).
So, until yesterday, I was avoiding them. Today, however, they kept bringing me reports to read and edit. So finally I said to heck with it. It's time for an exposure. And I touched those reports, and I moved them around all over my desk. And I touched my hair, and ate my apple, and basically just ignored those cold germs.
As always, my fear dropped FAST! Basically, once the germs are spread around, I know there's nothing to be done but move along. So I do. It really feels good to do a scary exposure. Once it's done anyway.
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You are stronger than you think!
1 year ago
I can't tell you how incredibly proud I am of you! WOW! I struggle so much with this same issue myself so I know how difficult this is. Really, really great!
ReplyDeleteI have to remember that; that it will feel good to do the exposure when it's done because it is so true and yet it's so hard to start. Great job!
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Ann! I am amazed that the fear drops so fast. Isn't it interesting that anticipating something can be worse than actually experiencing it?
ReplyDeleteThat is great, good for you! And eating your apple ... wow. It is wonderful to 'see' someone tackling this head on and having success. It seems like such a slow road sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAdventures in Anxiety Land
AWESOME!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnn - it is great to hear the fear drops so fast for you. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. My fear never drops. I don't see how this can ever get better.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteFrom everything that I've read, if your anxiety stays high, it's usually because you're doing some sort of mental ritual (or possible a physical one). You may not even realize you're doing it. I find when my anxiety does stay high, it's usually because I'm running through "what ifs" in my head, which keeps the OCD strong. Or I'm preventing myself from touching anything with my "contaminated" hand. Or something similar.
I work as an elementary school teacher, and, like you, some of my most terrifying contamination fears are of bringing home germs (especially MRSA and stomach flu germs) to someone else in my life (my three year-old daughter). I am constantly torn between my OCD's demands for "more" in the way of rigorous cleaning and decontamination rituals and my own voice of reason, telling me that I'm ridiculous and need to tone it down. It is 100x more difficult, however, to break thru being "stuck" in those OCD thoughts (and the rumination of "what if" afterward), when the person you fear contaminating is your child. My OCD totally uses this against me, telling me that I'm a terrible parent if I don't perform these rituals to absolute completeness, and flashing horrifying images of my child, sick in the hospital, to emphasize the urgency and importance of these rituals. Even though I know my OCD is making unreasonable demands of me, I know there is also some truth somewhere to the fact that, if I am "extra careful" and super-thorough with the cleaning, I may have slightly more control over the situation. At what price, though? How can I "safely" balance being a good and responsible parent and functioning at a normal, reasonable level as a person? (i.e. when do I know my efforts have been "good enough"?) Sometimes the guilt I feel over possibly "putting my child at risk" by carrying out the rituals is even worse than the fear.
ReplyDelete