Yesterday was shaping up to be a pretty good day. I met up with my sister for lunch, then got hugs from her "dirty" kids without any stress at all.
I went grocery shopping and ended up in line behind a guy who looked a little grimy, and then wiped his nose with his hand right before he checked out. In the past I would have changed lanes, or if I couldn't, I would have had a small freak out. Instead, I stayed in line, went out to the car, and ate a pretzel from the food I'd just purchased.
So far, so good. Then I decided to stop at a rummage sale I'd seen a sign for earlier in the week. I almost didn't go in, as despite loving a good bargain, rummage sales are hard for me. But I'm in "new me" mode, so in I went. Found a few things.
Then I went to check out. They were selling a single platform bed, the kind with drawers in the bottom. It was right next to the checkout. One of the drawers was pulled out, and I couldn't resist looking in for signs of bedbugs. And, OMG, there was a bug crawling around the drawer! Was it a bedbug? I don't actually know. It was the right size, but I didn't want to stare that long, and I didn't want to get any closer if it WAS a bedbug. But it sure has ramped my anxiety right back up. What if I carried one home? It's unlikely, but it still got me freaking out again in general. After months of staying away from my "favorite" bedbug forum, I scoured it again last night.
I know it's such a waste of time. Reading about bedbugs doesn't change the chances of having them. Panicking about them ahead of time will do no good. If I do have them, it will suck, and then I will do what I need to do to get rid of them. But...
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You are stronger than you think!
1 year ago
Hey I just discovered your blog. It's great to read another blogger touching on all this stuff. I come at my issues from a different angle but this certainly helps.
ReplyDeletep.s. We once had bedbugs in our household and lived to tell the tale. Not even scratching anymore!
Ann, I would be disturbed by seeing a bug in the drawer too. But I think you handled it well overall. You still bought the items from the rummage sale. And even though you visited the forum, you recognize why you did it. That's OCD rearing its little head, but you zapped it by recognizing if for what it was.
ReplyDeleteOh Ann, I'm so, so very sorry! How absolutely dreadful. I can only imagine how shocking it was to see that bug, because I know it would have been shocking to me.
ReplyDeleteYou are right though. The bedbug forum will only make you feel worse (at least it does for me). And it will stink if you have them, but as you say, you will do what you need to.
I think the important thing here is not to catastrophize (easier said than done, I know!). If it happens, life won't end, and you will be able to carry on. I keep telling myself that all the time. You WILL survive no matter what happens. You know how I know that? Because you have survived OCD, and frankly, that's much worse than any stupid bug! I can tell you are a very strong woman. You will get through this.