I've been pretty active on beating contamination OCD for a while now. I've been simply TERRIBLE at fighting other types of OCD, as well as my general "it's all going to end badly" generalized anxiety.
Today, as often happens, giving into anxiety only made it worse. But I'm attacking that "worse" outcome the right way.
I needed to have a contractor out to give me a bid. He was going to come out next week. But I got nervous, so I actually left work early today and had him come out to the house this afternoon. But while he was here, he had to jump down from a height of about 5 feet, and then of course he commented on his bad knee. Ack! Argh. If only... he'd come next week instead, I'd thought to get out my step ladder, etc., etc. I'm imagining him needing surgery, sabotaging the job as a result, etc. etc.
SO, I wrote up a script. I'm reading it. I'm not letting myself (except for writing this) go to the what if place. Instead I'm facing the anxiety and I'll wait for it to go down.
It's not easy, my brain ruminates in a nearly automatic way. But seriously, enough is enough, it's time to double down, triple down, and do this right.
2 days ago