I haven't written many posts this spring. Ideas float through my head, but I don't seem to be able to summon the energy to stop and post.
Things are fine. Not great, a little stagnant, but not terrible either.
But there have been several occasions lately where I've clearly identified chances to push back against OCD fears and I simply haven't done it. A coworker's kids were sick with some stomach flu-ish thing this week and I actually took Friday off to avoid it. He wasn't sick, and there's solid evidence that his kid just has a touchy stomach. And still... I will add that I really just didn't want to be at work that day, but the underlying reason was OCD-based fear.
I hate that I still do that. And yet... it doesn't really make that much difference in my life. In fact many times when I exhibit OCD-based avoidance, the thing that I avoid is something I dislike anyway. Until I tip the balance on this type of thing, I will remain in this stagnant place. Not terrible, but not where I want to be.
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You are stronger than you think!
1 year ago
Don't be too hard on yourself, Ann. Obviously, I certainly want to be an encouragement to you to get completely well. At the same time, the reason we are trying to get well is to improve our lives. And well, if things are alright and your functioning is not seriously impeded and you're not in terrible emotional anguish, it's hard to keep pushing to fight all the time. I'm somewhat in this position myself now, (although if I sit down and really list stuff - a lot of my functioning is still impeded - just not as much as it used to be). You've come a long way and sometimes you just need a break.
ReplyDeleteYou put into words just how I feel. I have some OCD habits that don't make a big difference in my life. That makes it harder to want to get rid of them, to push back at them. And stagnant is a good word to describe that.
ReplyDeleteI don't have OCD yet I feel stagnant at times also...there are things I want to do to improve my life and I just don't do them. I think we have to be easier on ourselves and try to enjoy the moment more!
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