Lately, when faced with something that I know I should push through, I've been letting OCD win. So this weekend, I've planned two exposures.
First, I'm going to a BBQ on Saturday. I want to skip it for several reasons: germs, with a coworker scheduled for vacation soon (I always dread getting someone sick before a big week), and the fact that my ex-boyfriend will be there. I'll be fine around him, but I still feel awkward. He hasn't maintained any level of connection since we broke up, which makes it more awkward when we do see each other.
I tried to convince myself that I don't really care about the friendship of this BBQ group, as an excuse to skip it, but in fact, I do like most of them quite a lot. Our collective friendship is mostly maintained online, but getting together keeps it strong, I think.
Second, I'm going to skip my mom's orchestra concert, on Mother's Day, no less. I've likely attended 100 of her concerts over the years, and I don't enjoy them, but I generally attend to provide support for an activity she loves. Unfortunately (as well as fortunately, I suppose) I think I've faked it too well, and I don't think she realizes it's a chore. I've seen a ton of my parents recently, including last weekend's early Mother's Day celebration, and I just need a break this weekend.
Of course I'm convinced something terrible will happen if I don't go. Which is why I've decided not to go.
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