Lately, when faced with something that I know I should push through, I've been letting OCD win. So this weekend, I've planned two exposures.
First, I'm going to a BBQ on Saturday. I want to skip it for several reasons: germs, with a coworker scheduled for vacation soon (I always dread getting someone sick before a big week), and the fact that my ex-boyfriend will be there. I'll be fine around him, but I still feel awkward. He hasn't maintained any level of connection since we broke up, which makes it more awkward when we do see each other.
I tried to convince myself that I don't really care about the friendship of this BBQ group, as an excuse to skip it, but in fact, I do like most of them quite a lot. Our collective friendship is mostly maintained online, but getting together keeps it strong, I think.
Second, I'm going to skip my mom's orchestra concert, on Mother's Day, no less. I've likely attended 100 of her concerts over the years, and I don't enjoy them, but I generally attend to provide support for an activity she loves. Unfortunately (as well as fortunately, I suppose) I think I've faked it too well, and I don't think she realizes it's a chore. I've seen a ton of my parents recently, including last weekend's early Mother's Day celebration, and I just need a break this weekend.
Of course I'm convinced something terrible will happen if I don't go. Which is why I've decided not to go.
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You are stronger than you think!
1 year ago
I'm proud of you Ann for pushing yourself forward. I know how tiring that is, but you are doing it and I can't wait to hear about your success afterward (cause I just know you WILL be successful!).
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this. I'm in the same place right now with my OCD. It's not too bad, but it is still causing me to avoid situations that maybe I would enjoy more if I didn't have OCD.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for planning to do things that you know OCD would rather you skip. That's not an easy thing to do, I know. You will do great!
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