Sunday, October 28, 2012

Fall Freak Out

Fall is not my favorite season. Sure, in theory it's nice: cool crisp days, the leaves turning. But I live in the northwest, so it's really more about rain and raking up soggy leaves before they clog the sewer grates.

Fall has always been the worst time for my OCD, and I often get a slug of depression as the cherry on top. I've gone on medication three times (or is it four?) and it's always been in the fall.

This year it's been mild, but it's definitely still there. Late in the day at work I started crying for no particular reason. Luckily it was REALLY late in the day and I think only one other person was still around.

For some reason I also often start dating people in late summer or early fall. I don't think it helps the situation, as it adds a whole extra layer of stress.

I've gone on two dates now. Before the dates, I find myself hoping they go badly so I can just get back to my regular old life. Then they go pretty well. Then afterwards I can't really remember what it was that seemed good and then I find myself wanting to tell him I'm not interested. That's adding it's own extra layer of stress.

Ugh, fall.


  1. I'm sorry this is a tough time of year for you, and that you're feeling stressed. I hope it eases up for you soon.

  2. I'm sorry Ann, that you are struggling right now. Why do we always feel embarrassed for crying in front of others? It's a totally natural emotion and I think it is a healthy way to release tension and pain.

    It's strange, because Fall is my favorite season (especially living here in NH), BUT, like you, historically Fall has been a real problem for me. Both times that I almost had a total OCD breakdown, it was in the Fall. I don't know. Lack of sunlight?

    Well, in any case, I hope you feel better and that the rest of the Fall goes more smoothly for you. Hugs.