Feeling Better After Feeling Worse

One thing that's really surprised me about my retirement, is that my depression has ramped up. Another one of those surprises that really shouldn't be. One, my depression always hits in the fall, and two, now I just have more time to sit around and think sad thoughts. So there it is.

Today I just sat and cried for awhile, and I found it quite therapeutic. I have a great book on cognitive therapy and anxiety that I'm working my way through. The same author also has a well regarded book on depression. I'll be getting that one next. Blog posts on both to come.

Anxiety Up Close and Personal

Last night I went to a small party at an acquaintance's house. I was so nervous about going, because I just am. But I also was totally aware that if I didn't go, the next event would just seem even scarier.

In the end I had a good time. BUT, when I went to leave, I didn't realize that coats were in the back room, instead of the closet. So, oops, I rummaged around in her coat closet. I convinced myself that somehow I'd knocked something over in there, and something terrible would happen as a result.

I came home and worried for a bit. Then I wrote my worry on a 3x5 card, downward arrow all the way down to the part where she hated me, and I didn't have any friends ever again. And I stuck it next to my computer where it was right in my face. Seriously, after about 10 minutes, my anxiety was nearly gone. I know from past experience that normally that anxiety would have stayed with me at least overnight.

I should no longer be so surprised when cognitive therapy and exposure therapy work really really well, but apparently I am. Here's to more and more happy surprises.

Happy Fall

Hello, I'm back! I did leave my job in early October, and it's been a sort of strange transition. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with myself now that I'm not working. In the past, whenever I've left a job, I've had a clear plan. No clear plan this time.

I have found that while my OCD is okay, my Generalized Anxiety has ramped up. Considering that it's fall and I'm not on any medication, I should probably be happy with where I've landed, but now I really have time to hunker down with my anxiety workbooks and do the work. So that's at least part of my plan.

Sheesh, I missed blogging the entire month of October. So that will be part of the plan, too. Not skipping entire months of blogging!