Earlier this week, I decided that OCD fears aside, I just plain didn't want to give up 10 hours of my precious free time to play kickball. So despite that I hate flaking on people (and really, I should have thought of that BEFORE signing up, right? But I got so caught up in the opportunity for some great exposures I didn't think it through), I withdrew from the tournament. I'm mostly happy with the decision, but of course OCD is kicking in in the opposite direction now. As in, will my team hate me? Will someone get injured because they have to play more time because I'm not there? Etc., etc.
It's yet another great opportunity to sit with the anxiety, to accept that I might ruin something, and if I do, I'll cope with it when it happens. That's so much easier said than done.
And of course lurking in the back of my mind is the fact that if I didn't have OCD, I probably would have sucked it up and honored my commitment once I'd signed up. I don't know, just having a hard week.
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You are stronger than you think!
1 year ago
I hope your week gets better. Learning to say no to activities even if I had "commited" beforehand has been hard for me. I stopped helping in nursery at my church. I was afraid the lady was mad at me for months, but she smiled at me recently, so I'm gonna guess she isn't mad.
ReplyDeleteI think your comment "if I didn't hve OCD I probably would have sucked it up and honoured my commitment..." is OCD talking to you! From what I read in your post - I don't think it was OCD that made you quit the tournament - it was you being true to yourself! Good for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that must be an ongoing issue...sometimes not really knowing if it's OCD calling the shots, or the real you. I agree that it seems you just determined it was too much time for you to commit to......good for you for doing what you needed to do!
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