Another Week in the Books

I love my new schedule. Just love it. I've been resolving to really live my life to the fullest going forward. I'm not completely sure what that looks like, but I've got some thoughts, many of which involve travel to sunny winter locations. Which is sort of amazing when I consider my travel fears.

I've long thought that I would likely get cancer and not live to a ripe old age. I have no way to know how much of that is OCD and how much is based on having a really high rate of cancer in my family. At the very same time, I get fears about not saving enough money and living to be 100 and broke. Which would seem to indicate that it's all OCD, right?

Anyway, I'm currently in the middle of a health issue. A test result that needs follow up. I'm handling it about how "normal" people do, so that's probably the best that can be expected.

It's steeling my resolve to live my life the fullest though, so that's a plus.

OCD Awareness

It's OCD Awareness Week. I don't think I celebrated it, but I did have occasion to share a little about OCD with online friends.

Someone commented recently on a non-OCD forum that he hates it when people use the phrase "I'm so OCD" as they organize their desktop at work. Based on the conversation, I suspect someone in his life has OCD, but I didn't ask.

I did, however, tell him I agreed, and I noted that I have OCD and it's something that is hard every single day of my life. It led to a brief conversation among several people on the board.

This is the second time I've mentioned my OCD on that forum. I don't really know what people's reactions are, because I know they don't want to pry. But overall, I feel it's been positive.

I would like to comment on my OCD on my personal Facebook page. I would feel fine about 90% of my friends knowing; only a few do. However, in the last year, I've added several workmates to my friends list. I'm still uncomfortable about work people knowing, from an "unknown consequences" point of view.

Which is a shame, but it's just a fact.

Oh How I Love the Sunshine

As I've noted recently, it's been a tough summer and early fall for my depression and anxiety. But I was also re-reminded recently of what a huge impact the weather has on my mood. The last two weekends have been perfect fall weather: between 65 and 75 and sunny. I've gone for long long walks, done yardwork, even finally did a volunteer event yesterday. And was in such a good mood. Yesterday I told my sister that we have to retire to a sunny climate together. Not quite sure what we'll do with her husband. :)

The side effects of the medication kicked in this week, leaving me less resolved about my decision to keep on them. I think I should probably make an appointment to talk to a psychiatrist who can give me some (hopefully) clear advice about different options over the long term.

Medication Time Again

I decided to try medication again, after a really anxious summer, and a climb in depression last month. I'm apparently really susceptible to the placebo effect, and I usually notice a difference in my mood within days. This time was no exception, although this week I'm noticing that dropping back a bit. The good thing is that I'm experiencing fewer side effects than normal as well.

I think this time I'm prepared to stay on the meds for the long term, instead of using them for the short term impact. I'm really tired of feeling pretty mediocre most of the time.

How's everyone's fall going?

Survey on OCD and Marriage

I recently received a request from a research associate at the University of Louisville to post information about a study that a professor there is doing on the effects of OCD on marriage. I don't know much at all about this study, and only you can decide if you feel comfortable completing the survey, but it is a legitimate request. Here's the webpage of the professor.

You can click on the flyer below to see it a little larger.

Free Time

So two weeks ago I started my new work schedule: 3 days a week. In theory, it's great. Well, actually, in practice it's great, too. But for some reason I still feel too busy. I think I had this idea that the new schedule would suddenly make me super efficient at home. HAHAHA. That was naive.

My OCD has been on a tear over the last month. I'm hanging in there, but I'm not sure if the issue is the standard "Ann's OCD peaks in fall" or something else. Usually it's more of an October, November issue for me.

But I'm still here, contemplating looking for a therapist, contemplating not looking for a therapist. We'll see.

Summertime

We're having a lovely summer here. Just a few days over 90, most in the 80s. I've really been noticing my OCD, unfortunately. I find that I can make myself sit with anxiety, and when I do, it goes down. But I'm also finding a lot of new general anxiety categories cropping up.

I've decided I'd like to move to a neighborhood about 5 miles south of where I currently live. I'd be much closer to my sister, and that's an objectively reasonable choice. My current house is also too big and I'm a slob, so it's too much to keep up with.

BUT, I also made this choice because of stress about my neighbor and worry about earthquake risks.

I think the best approach is to continue with a plan to move, but to make myself wait until a house I'm certain is the right choice (not in an OCD way, though :) ) comes along. I have an urge to move ASAP, but very few houses that meet my requirements come up for sale, so it could take a while. That ramps my anxiety right up, and that's the piece that I know is OCD. Patience is hard!