It seems I didn't mention it here, but I started up on an SSRI in February, a low-ish dose. I can't quite tell if it's working (oh, now I see I did mention it a few posts ago). Past side effects have included insomnia but this time I'm tired, so so tired. And the dreams: vivid, sometimes disturbing dreams. I was thinking of giving it up, since I don't see a huge effect. But before I did so, I upped this dose a small amount this week. And I think I'm seeing a difference. For the first time in who knows how long, I woke up yesterday feeling excited about a few things this week, including signing the lease on my new apartment. Feeling excited rather than terrified is really really rare for me. Is it the medication? Is it the situation? Can't say for sure. Other aspects of my upcoming move have me terrified. But I'd say there's enough chance that the good feelings are related to the medication that I'm going to stick with it a while longer.
I'm not much of an Easter celebrator, although I do have candy. Mostly I'm wondering if it's okay to run my borrowed weed whacker today, the only non-rainy day in the 10 day forecast.
But on to OCD. It's been a stressful time in my life. After much hemming and hawing, I made the decision to sell my house and live in a rental until I decide if I want to buy another house some day. I've found a great place and will sign a lease that starts next Friday.
Moving is stressful under the best of mental conditions, but of course OCD adds whole new levels of complication. I haven't lived with shared walls for 16 years, so that's scary. Moving vans scare me, selling my house scares me, etc.
I'm moving forward, because despite the fear, I'm super excited at the potential for my life without so much yardwork and house maintenance. The new space is big enough to feel comfortable but small enough that I think I might be able to keep it clean. (especially since I may lose my deposit if I don't!) I'm trying to be ruthless about getting rid of clutter as I pack up my house. I'm a packrat, so I'm not as ruthless as I SHOULD be, but better than ever before.
I'm Ann, a 43 year old woman who has struggled with OCD for the last 17 years. I've been in treatment with some success, but never really put a knock out punch on my compulsions. I started working toward that goal in 2009. Obviously this is a work in progress. This blog chronicles my journey, as well as discussing OCD more generally.